Much Better

I have been feeling much better. Waking up in the morning with a weird, glowing feeling. I am not sure where it comes from. Actually, if anything, it makes me wonder how I can feel that good already after ending a 2.5-year relationship only two weeks ago. I question it. A lot. It's not just that I feel I should still be mourning, it's that I actually feel better than I recollect feeling in a long time --well, at that time of day! I am usually a belligerent grouch in the a.m.!

Bizarre.

Other than waking up in the morning with a lack of miserable-ness, things are pretty “meh”. I am still have trouble concentrating at work and am frustrated with this city. Those are things I can work on.

I am thinking about trying to quit again. I am going to wait it out for a bit, but I would still like to be smoke-free by my birthday (I have 24 more days). I will try the patch again. If I fail, I will then consider other alternatives. I am a little nervous about taking pills again, however. My Zyban experience wasn’t all that horrible compared to other stories I’ve read, but I would never like to be in a position again where my thoughts could be that dark…

I also wonder a lot if my depression while on Zyban was accentuated from not being social. While on it, I opted to stay in a lot because I refused to drink and most of my social engagements involve drinking…

Who knows? I’ve definitely been more social since my breakup and I think that is affecting my mood positively. There are still a few friends I am mad at and, if I don’t let it go soon, I will probably end up disregarding them forever. I am unsure which of the two are a better choice at this point.
Let’s see how it goes.