Sunday, September 30, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 5

I woke up early again today (for a weekend) at 7am. Not a big deal though. I just walked my dog and fell back asleep until about 12pm. I woke up from using one foot to scratch the other foot quite intently. I had a noticeable, but tolerable, itch on my both my left ankle and arm. I put Aquaphor on my arm so as not to scratch it. I am not sure whether the itching is from the Bupropion or not. They say itching is an indication of an allergic reaction. There is no rash, just itchiness. The itching subsided after a few hours but it came back after I took my second pill. The second time around was a little stronger than the first time. I also felt drowsy again. I fell back asleep and when I woke up the itching was gone for the most part.

I also noticed that I itch more after a cigarette…

I am starting to figure out the pattern that I become very sleepy for about 2 hours after taking a dose. Well, maybe not. As I mentioned before, I tend to take quite a few naps --especially on a weekend when it’s permitted. This may not have anything to do with the Zyban, it may just be my normal penchant for napping. It’s just odd to me because I’ve heard all of these people complain about not being able to sleep and I feel that’s all I’ve been doing!

Does anyone have first-hand experience with the sleep issues and itching that they would like to share? I wonder if anyone else has the itching problem…

Other than sleep and the itching, all seems well. I am still craving cigarettes but I think it’s more the habit than the nicotine. I spoke with my mother on the phone and tried very hard not to smoke but absolutely HAD to. She stresses me out so much! I only smoked one cigarette during the 20-minute conversation though where, normally, I would probably smoke 4 or 5. I guess I need to figure out a new way to deal with stress, huh?

I am planning for tomorrow since it will be my first day at work on 2 pills. I think I am going to wake up at 5am to take my first pill so I can get through the itchiness (if it should continue) before I go to work rather than while I am at work. We’ll see if I actually wake up at 5am though!

I am exhausted right now and about to go to sleep. I’ve noticed that when I become drowsy, I become very loopy. My boyfriend thought I was drunk when I spoke with him on the phone the other night. I was in a cab trying to get home and couldn’t get there quick enough. I was equally as tired in that car at 11pm as I have been after some of my 48 hour driving marathons in the past.

Now, before I publish this post and go to sleep, I would also like to add that I ordered the Allen Carr book, “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking”. I am expecting it to arrive tomorrow as I selected overnight delivery (which cost triple the actual cost of the book). I checked with Barnes & Noble and Borders and not a single on of their stores in NYC had the book in stock so I had to do the online route. I was really hoping to start reading it today, but tomorrow will have to do. People have had a lot of good thinks to say about this book. Apparently, you’re suppose to read it and as you progress, you find yourself disinterested in cigarettes. I’ll let you know how it goes! If all goes well and I receive it tomorrow, I plan on reading a little bit and will tell you more about it. I am normally a very fast reader but I am going to try to take it slow with this book, little bits at a time. We’ll see though.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 4

Today’s transition to two pills seems to have gone smoothly. I feel that I slept a lot today, but that is not abnormal. I am usually a sleepy person. Considering the amount that I have been sleeping lately, you wouldn’t think I would be so tired though.

I woke up at 7:30am this morning, took my first pill, walked my dog, had a cigarette and fell back asleep until about 12pm. When I woke up the second time, I went out to get coffee and decided to have the highlights in my hair touched up as well. I arrived back home around 4pm and took my second pill. After taking my second pill, I shopped with a friend and didn’t feel any difference except that I was more social with people working at the stores than I normally am. Additionally, being that I was walking around outside so much, I did smoke less than normal, but I still felt the desire to smoke.

Home for the night at around 7pm, I did a few small things around my apartment and fell asleep for about 3 hours. When I woke up, I was not groggy. I went outside with my dog and didn’t necessarily feel the need to smoke but did so any way (it is a ritual for me –just as he needs to use the bathroom, I need to smoke). Right now, I feel like a small headache is coming on and there is this mild but odd “zapping”-like feeling coming and going in my head but nothing else otherwise.

I also felt the need to drink more coffee today but resisted the urge by ordering decaf instead.

I guess I would have to say: So far, so good. I wonder how this is going to help me quit smoking and if, after more time on Zyban, its effects will be stronger. As of right now, the effects seem to be diminishing as each day goes by. Well, maybe not? I just realized I have about 8 cigarettes left from the pack I bought yesterday. A week ago, this pack would be gone by now… That decrease could also be because I slept so much today though.

The thing I need to get over right now is not smoking at the times I am accustomed to. These are the times I will reach for a cigarette without even thinking about it:

Answering a phone call
Waking up
Anytime I leave my house – I grab a cigarette before my keys
Leaving a subway station
Walking the dog
After I eat
Anytime I am leaving a smoke free area

I think this is all for tonight. Now, I will go try to tackle some cleaning. I don’t see myself going to bed at a normal time now that I woke up from a 3 hour “nap” at 10:30pm.

Day 3, part 2

There really is nothing to report since I posted earlier today. I went to my friends’ house for dinner and I felt fine. Had some great Polish food and chatted for a while I still had the desire to smoke but it wasn't as strong. I was able to finish dinner and wait an hour or so to smoke and I think it was mostly because of habit. I did notice that I was a little slow with conversation and stumbled on a bit of my words. Other than that, everything felt pretty normal (except that I am exhausted and about to fall asleep right here, right now).

Aside from dinner, I told my friends I was taking Zyban/Wellbutrin and it resulted in much discussion. They cannot believe I am taking a medication to alter my brain with the hope to quit smoking. I cannot believe it myself. If someone told me 7 years ago that I would be taking a pill to help me quit my addiction to cigarettes, I would have laughed in their faces. No Way, Not Ever!!! Hahaha. Funny how easy someone can change, isn’t it?

Once I told my friends the name of the drug, they told me a story that I did not know about one of our mutual friends who had purchased Wellbutrin online and used it for 6 months. Wellbutrin had been faring him pretty well and he was notably happy until one day he had a few drinks and physically fought two of his best friends. He also made frenzied statements about how he would acquire a semi-automatic weapon to take down the cops should they come.

This guy is not at all the type you would expect this behavior from. He is your average, normal guy and would never hurt a fly on a regular day. It’s somewhat worrisome that this happened, but I have to take in account and point out that this person also has a notable drug use problem and consumed alcohol in large amounts that night as well as other mind-altering substances while on Wellbutrin. I would put more blame on the mixture of all of the chemicals in his body than on the Wellbutrin alone.

I decided prior to taking Zyban that I would not consume any alcohol until I completed my program. Stories such as this as well as others that I’ve heard (and the label on my prescription) make it seem like consuming alcohol is not a risk I am willing to take. Also, why bother? If I continue to be as loopy as I have been the past couple of days, it’s almost like being a little tipsy anyway. There’s all ready a party going on in my brain, right?

Also, with regard to alcohol, does anyone know exactly what they mean by “stop drinking suddenly”? This is indicated on a lot of the precautions. Is this for heavy drinkers only? And, if so, what constitutes as a heavy drinker? And, if you’re a heavy drinker, does this mean that you should continue to drink a little while on Zyban or just not take Zyban at all?

Please share your alcohol and Zyban stories with me if you have them.
Wish me luck on doubling my dose tomorrow!

Friday, September 28, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 3

Well, it’s day three for me and there have been a few anticlimactic, yet pleasing, developments. First off, I woke up better rested than I have in months and with a clear mind! I took my little purple pill expecting that to all go away and POOF! Nothing! There was actually a point today where I thought I had forgotten to take the pill because I felt normal. I had no issues concentrating or remembering today. Feeling regular really put in perspective how frustrating the prior two days had been. I had felt trapped being that I couldn’t organize thoughts or stay on track. Today was a pleasant surprise.

I am scheduled to up my dose to two pills tomorrow. I am somewhat hesitant since today was so fantastic but, rationally, it would be better to start the two pills/day on a weekend so if I go crazy it won’t be at work J

Even though I feel I have a clear mind, it was still fairly easy for me to forget about food today. I believe I had a little granola for breakfast at 9am and a sandwich for lunch, which happened to be around 4pm when I realized I hadn’t eaten. I also consumed only one cup of coffee again (instead of my regular 48+oz./day) – no headache, no craving, no anything! If Zyban doesn’t help me quit smoking, maybe it will help me get over my out of control coffee dependence?

As far as the smoking goes, today, I felt like it was even less effective. I would say I smoked 2 or 3 less cigarettes than normal while at work (which I guess is progress). However, I will say that I am more relaxed about smoking. It doesn’t seem like I HAVE to smoke this second and result in stress/anxiety about getting to my cigarette. That soapy taste I had in my mouth while smoking is completely gone too. I sort of hope that it comes back though ‘cause then I am less likely to smoke!

Now, I’ve resorted to taking Zyban because the patches haven’t worked for me and I am unable to chew gum (I have quite a debilitating case of TMJ). While using the patches, I found that even though I wasn’t craving nicotine, I was craving the act of smoking. I actually heard about Wellbutrin for the first time from Kelly Ripa (of Regis and Kelly). She was on one of those late night talk shows (Letterman, Leno or Conan) and they asked her how she kicked the habit and had all of these glorious things to say about this little purple pill. I looked into it as it sounded like a good idea. After a bit of research, I decided it wasn’t for me (i.e. I was scared out of my mind).

I am not sure what exactly changed in me that made me reconsider Zyban a few months later. Mainly, I had become ill again and had my usual chest issues (where I cough a very harsh and dry cough and crack ribs and tear stomach muscles). I had never been sick like this except for the past 5 or so years. Now, any time I fall ill, I will have this cough –and it happens approximately once every 2 months. I have been worried about why I’ve been having so many respiratory issues lately. In my head, there are two things that I worry about. One: These respiratory problems began after I started smoking. Two: There have been all of these reports about 9/11 sickness being more widespread than thought and, yes, I had become sick after 9/11 but was not in that area anywhere near as much as the rescue workers. Nor was I right at ground zero. I was a couple blocks away. I am going to opt for One and really try to quit smoking in an effort to keep my health. I am very young to be having these issues. Hopefully Zyban will help me get over the mental part where I crave the actual act of smoking…

I am off for now as I have to go to a friend’s house for dinner. I will probably check back in when I come home. From my experiences these last two days, it seems that some of the side effects (such as the soapy taste in my mouth) have been coming later in the day. I will let you know if anything changes!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 2

First, let me start off with that it took me 15 minutes to figure out my Blogger login and password. Once I figured it out, I closed the window and started over, forgot, and had to learn it all over again. That’s messed up, right?

Aside from that, my experiences today were about the same as yesterday. There was a moment last night after posting where I got down to the end of my cigarette, pulled, and was so disgusted that I couldn’t get it away from me fast enough. Something horrible took over my mouth. I don’t know if it was just a bad part of the cigarette or if it was the Bupropion.

I am very tired right now. I hear this medicine often makes you unable to sleep, but right now, I could fall asleep at the computer.

My co-workers randomly pointed out a few things to me today. On two separate occasions, it was noted that I was sitting up ridiculously straight at my computer. I noticed this yesterday too. Somehow, my casual self who usually sprawls around my desk has acquired perfect posture (only while sitting).

On another occasion, I was walking back from the bathroom with a colleague and another co-worker passed by and asked me if any thing was wrong. He elaborated by saying that my colleague had a smile on her face and that I looked blank. Huh. This is actually how I felt for half of the day. Blank. Disengaged. Not unhappy though.

A friend of mine also pointed out that my eyes were constantly dilated.

My concentration is notably off and it’s been pointed out. My memory is not at its best. My job requires an extraordinary amount of memory and the ability to multitask and switch gears quickly. I am struggling and it’s frustrating but I am working on ways to get around this. So far, I have been abusing my Outlook calendar and writing notes and emails to myself to keep me in line and on track. We’ll see if this helps. If anyone is reading this and has any suggestions, I would like to hear them!

Now, onto the smoking cessation aspect…

I thought that I had been smoking relatively the same amount as before I started until I realized I just finished a pack I bought 2 ½ days ago. I usually buy a pack a day. While smoking last night, I had a taste in my mouth similar to the taste of soap. If any of you had your mouth washed out with soap by your mother as a child, you know what I am talking about. Today, there really is no odd taste. However, I did notice a heightened sensation when consuming anything with citrus in it (which was lovely, it was like the volume turned up on some of my favorite flavors!).

With regard to food, I didn’t eat too much today. I had a small amount of granola at about 9am and forgot about eating until 4pm. I skipped lunch completely without even realizing it.

Let’s see how tomorrow goes. I don’t feel like I’ve made too much progress yet but maybe that will change with time and an increase in meds?

Today’s Positives:
Still only consumed one cup of coffee and didn’t even think about coffee for the rest of the day.
Corrected posture
It seems that my cigarette consumption has decreased a small amount already.

Today’s Negatives:
Mild headache for about an hour.
Grew extremely tired after dinner.Disengaged, forgetful and unorganized.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 1

Today is my first day on Zyban. I’m suppose to take 1 pill a day for the first 3 days and move up to 2 a day thereon to complete the program. The smoking cessation aspect should kick in anytime within the next week. My quit date is set for a week from today.

I woke up late, at about 7:45am, and took my first pill. I started noticing differences by mid-morning. They were as follows:

At approximately 10am, I realized it was time for me to go downstairs and smoke. I kept losing focus and didn’t actually leave to smoke until 12:30pm.

Between 10am and 12pm, I noticed I was starting to feel “different.” I think giddy would be the most adequate word for it, but it doesn’t do the feeling justice. It was merely surprising, unnecessary and controllable delight.

After noon, I started noticing that my speech had slowed down and sounded more relaxed than normal. A friend on mine commented that I sounded “high” because I was really relaxed and speaking quite freely.

I leveled out toward the end of the day but throughout the day I was having moments of blanking out. I would be in the middle of saying something and forget what I was talking about. One of my co-workers told me the time and date of a meeting and I had to ask 3 additional times to remember what it was before it made its way into my calendar. This was kind of frustrating but tolerable.

As far as smoking goes, I smoked regularly and a fair amount all day up until my last cigarette about a half an hour ago. I had been in the middle of smoking, put it out and walked inside. Once inside, I realized what I did and got a nice, smug feeling… Maybe this is going to be good…

Today’s Positives:
Held out my hands and they were steady. My normal shakes we gone. I was in AWE.
Only drank 1 cup of coffee. Didn’t even think about coffee after my initial cup. I usually drink 2-16oz. cups in the morning and get a frozen coffee around 2pm.
Pleasant mood. Generally laughing and relaxed.
Stopped smoking my most recent cigarette without even realizing it.

Today’s Negatives:
Unfocused.
Two occurrences of ringing in my ears for about 5 second intervals.
Slurred speech and difficulty forming thoughts completely and coherently (but tolerable).
I will be checking back in tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Introduction

If you are reading this, you probably performed a Google search on Zyban, Wellbutrin or Bupropion. Or, perhaps you stumbled across this page and are wondering what this is all about?

I will use this first post as an introduction. I am a 25-year-old female who will be 26 at the end of my 60 day quit smoking program with the assistance of Zyban.

Zyban is a pill that magically erases your desire to smoke –or so I hear. Zyban is the exact same drug as Wellbutrin and Bupropion. Bupropion is the generic/chemical form and Wellbutrin is generally prescribed for anti-depressant purposes. Overseas, most countries will only allow Bupropion to be prescribed as a smoking cessation aid. Even though all three have the same chemical make-up, most insurance companies will not cover Zyban as it’s marketed specifically for the purpose of smoking cessation. My insurance company covers both Wellbutrin and Bupropion but not Zyban. Apparently, United States insurance companies do not consider reducing the prospect of cancer, emphysema and all of those other diseases the Truth ads inform us about as worthwhile.

With that, I will tell you a little more about myself. As I said, I am about to be 26 years old. I reside in New York City. I grew up in Minnesota and relocated to NYC and, at the same time, picked up my smoking habit back in 2000. If you are into math, you probably just realized that I started smoking at age 18 and are muttering “WTF”. Yeah, I know. I was old enough to know better and started smoking at 18 anyway. For some reason, I was able to bypass all of the peer pressure and ignorance of being a preteen and never even tried a cigarette until after my 18th birthday. Yep. I’m an idiot.

Ironically, I was avidly against smoking my entire childhood and quite vocal about it. This is why I am adamant about my family not knowing. I gave my brothers a lot of shit about smoking all through their teens, ratted them out for the first time, etc. How can I let them know that this is what I’ve become? My parents have prided themselves on raising “one smart kid” who did not succumb to the vile beast of nicotine. How can I let them know that this is what I’ve become?

I’ve felt guilty and disgusted with myself the entire time I’ve smoked. Seven years is a long time to be ashamed.

My first cigarette was a vanilla cigarette. I tried it because I had turned 18 and it was a right of passage to take part in all that which 18-year olds can do (cigarettes, lotto, porn, etc.) Not knowing how to inhale correctly, I found it quite pleasant. The vanilla tasted good on my lips and I wanted more. I spent about a year as a novice smoker until I learned that I was not inhaling. Once inhaling began, I realized it was a “breath of fresh air” in times of stress. You know, took the edge off. Slowly, more stress came and social situations made it easier to form a habit. When I started, you could still smoke in bars in NYC and a pack was around $4.25.

Seven years later, you can no longer smoke in bars and a pack is around $7-8.00 (varying on which borough you’re in) and I’m at about a pack a day in a city where the Mayor hates smokers and the citizens are becoming more and more vocal about how disgusting cigarettes and YOU are. So, aside from cigarettes destroying my insides and outsides, smoking is also absorbing approximately $50/week out of my pocket and making me a target for additional snide remarks and haughtiness from the already rude and opinionated New Yorkers. Great.

Q: Now, why am I quitting and why am I using a pill to help me?

A: I had initially said that after 5years I would stop smoking. So, basically, I’ve been trying to quit for 2 years using various unsuccessful methods and this is what I’ve turned to.

Q: Now, why am I blogging about this method?

A: I am both enthralled and scared shitless by this drug. I have never taken a medication that alters your brain into thinking something unnatural. I’ve performed extensive internet research and have heard both horror and success stories. Even after all of this research, I still feel like I don’t have enough answers. I’ve been seeking out people who could give me detailed, first-hand experiences and have come up virtually empty-handed (with the exclusion of 3rd party acquaintance information). I figured I would document my experience not only for others, but for myself should any of my wiring go crazy while on this drug and to, hopefully, look back at as a proud non-smoker.

Today is Day 1. I am taking 1 pill a day for the first 3 days and 2 a day thereon.
I will develop this blog further, include links, etc. as time moves on. Feel free to correspond with me at anytime!


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