Day 12, p.m.

Well, I am about to go to sleep for the evening. I feel like every norm for this drug is the opposite for me right now. They say people often have problems sleeping –all I wanted to do today is sleep. They say people lose their appetite –all I wanted to do today was eat. What else? Eh. I think I am disgruntled and should be more positive. It may just be that I am tired though. I am normally a sour person when I am tired.

It was very hard for me to become motivated to do anything today. I would have preferred to stay in bed but knew I had things to do and that I would feel like garbage if I just sat around all day. A good thing is that, since I posted about my lethargy at the gym, I decided to push myself to the full hour today. Just as I expected, it wasn’t really a problem. I don’t mind exercising. I actually love it (except that I hate sweating). The first half hour gets me though. Somewhere between the 30 and 40 minute mark, I hit my stride and forget that I am actually moving quite quickly on a machine and going absolutely nowhere. I guess focusing so much on the first half hour and not committing to the entire hour upfront is where the problem lays.

I just worry that the Zyban is affecting my mentality in a bad way now (what with my gym struggles and desire to do nothing). As though it’s making me depressed and unmotivated… Who knows? It may just be today. My opinions on this drug and its effects definitely change quickly…

Regardless, I am still giving this drug a shot. I hope to great extents that its effects haven’t already plateaued for me. I am beginning to wonder if I should have tried the Chantix first… Too bad I am weary of drugs that have been approved by the FDA in the last 5-10 years and pharmaceutical companies in general. I am definitely interested in it but wish it had been around for a while longer…

I’ve had a few doctors push drugs at me that didn’t seem necessary and were relatively new and heavily marketed. One drug (that I declined to take) was taken off the shelves 2 months later. I’ve also been acquainted in various ways with the marketing techniques of certain pharmaceutical companies and understand the reasons/incentives for doctors pushing certain drugs at you. Thus, I am skeptical about everything. This includes Zyban/Wellbutrin.

I think it is time for me to go to sleep now. An absurd amount of mosquitoes have been around for the past few days (it was around 85 degrees today) and I am reluctant to sleep until I am confident they are all gone/dead!