Saturday, October 6, 2007

Day 11, a.m.

Man I was in a foul mood yesterday! I am sure it was a combination of many things that put me there but, today, I feel a lot better.

I rescind my thoughts that the Zyban is no longer affecting me. It is. I just need to be more patient with it.

I keep reading all of these people’s accounts of quitting smoking with Zyban and they are saying things like “I lost the desire to quit after 3 days” “on Day 9 I smoked my last cigarette and never looked back”. When is it my turn (whine)?

I have decided to be a little more patient with this. I am giving it more time to set in. It definitely decreases my desire to smoke and maybe I need to be a little more relaxed about it… I feel like I am overanalyzing the efficiency of this product and, thus, making me obsess about cigarettes.

I am going to spend a little more time not wanting to smoke and finding happiness on those occasions where I decline a cigarette when I normally wouldn’t.

Hopefully, good things will come to those who wait in this case. Or, maybe I am just making another excuse/plan to delay my quit…?


cb1 said...

Good morning from London. I think you're probably right about not giving yourself such a hard time, and I shouldn't either.

Yesterday, after having typed the post to you with the 12 steps reference I decided to see if there was a Nicotine Anonymous here in the UK. I knew that they had them in the US, but didn't think it was here. Anyway, I found one in London and actually went.

There were only a few people there. I don't think 12 steps apply so well to nicotine as they do for alcohol/cocaine etc. I don't think I'll be going back. But what it did for me is prove to me just how desperate (determined?) I am.

But then yesterday evening after having smoked my "last" cigarette I got anxious about not having heard from my teenage daughter all day long (she was staying with her boyfriend) when she normally phones me and she wasn't answering her mobile, or responding to text messages.

It was about 10pm and I thought if I don't hear from her all night I shall be so worried I shan't sleep, and I'm barely sleeping anyway with the Zyban.

One of Zyban's most cruel jokes I think - what does a smoker do when they can't sleep?

So again I just had to go to the garage and get 10! (Yes you can buy 10s here, and they cost almost £3 ... it's completely outrageous).

Anyway she phoned about 10.30 and by then I'd smoked three of them already. Then was awake for a while and smoked a couple more. So this morning, which was going to be my first smoke free day, I've got five cigarettes sitting there, talking to me. You know, like they do.

(But, like you say, I think we need to be kinder to ourselves and a little bit easier on ourselves.)

I actually do think that the physical addiction has practically gone though. It's now about trying to overcome the psychological/habit part of it. Why do I think that? Because yesterday on the underground - it's about a 50 minute journey into Central London. Normally when there are delays on the tube (like there were yesterday) I would start to feel anxious and agitated and in desperate need to smoke. I suppose it took just over an hour and I wasn't particularly bothered about it. Sitting there in a tunnel didn't really bother me. AND I didn't light up immediately as I walked out of the station - now that's progress. Don't forget here I am practically a chain smoker when I'm not at work.

If you think about it logically, they say that Zyban as an anti-smoking drug came about because it was given to patients with depression and they noticed that they stopped smoking. Well I very much doubt that they ALL stopped smoking on Day 9 or Day 10 or Day 11. I would imagine that with some of them it would have been a more gradual thing?

If anyone's reading this and they know of people who stopped later than during the second week, please let us know? Or if you miss that "week 2 quit date" is it then pointless carrying on with the Zyban? It doesn't tell you that on the information leaflet and I can't seem to find any other information anywhere.

Anyway, I really do hope you're doing well today (Sunday) and continue to make good progress, in whatever way you decide is progress.

Do you know I read your blog first thing every morning? When I wake up I can't wait to see how you're doing? How strange is that, I don't even know you.

All the best.

Chris, London, 9.00am

And so it goes... said...

Wow, you went to a meeting? You do seem determined.

What is your main reason for trying to quit (aside from the obvious)?

Mine is that it makes me feel horrible about myself.

Funny you mentioned the tube... I never thought of my antsy-ness on the subway being related to nicotine... When I go on long rides with my boyfriend, we get off halfway and smoke. How ridiculous is that?!?

I am also interested in knowing if there's anyone out there who actually quit with Zyban but it took a little longer than most...