Wednesday, October 10, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 15

Oi. I think I smoked on par today with how much I smoked before the Zyban.

I feel committed to quitting as much as my behavior eludes that I am not committed. It doesn’t help that I am in a “funk” either. All I wanted to do today was get out of my office and the best reason to frequently do so was to smoke. So I did.

Since I’ve been home from work, I’ve barely smoked.

My mood became a little better this evening after the gym. I did my full hour of cardio and then weights. It felt great. I wanted to keep going and felt almost euphoric.

Today, at work, dragged on and on though.

I am still concerned about my job. There have been a lot of closed doors lately and a few of my co-workers and I suspect that our managing director is leaving to start his own company. If this happens, people will flee and there will be a high level of disorganization. I am worried that I will be caught off guard. I wouldn’t go with him if he asked me either. I think I need to move into a large law firm again. It felt a lot more stable there (and I was coddled with benefits). I am certain my job concerns are not only due to the Zyban. I definitely think I would be best advised to find a new employer. It’s a tough time to do so though what with the year closing out and the holidays approaching.

I am glad that I haven’t had any extremely odd side effects with Zyban so far but it definitely doesn’t provide much to write about (well, other than my paranoia and doubts)!

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