Sunday, October 14, 2007

Day 18, p.m.

Things seemed to go okay for the rest of the day today. The shaking seemed to stop later in the afternoon. I am not sure if it correlated with coffee or not. It settled down quite a bit before I consumed any coffee. It is possible that they were just my normal shakes. I don't remember eating last night and if I go too long without sugar, I am prone to feeling off. I am still not sure though because the shaking leveled off before I ate anything as well.

As far as my head goes, there is not much to report. I still felt a little down and sleepy today. I went to a movie with my friend, her new boyfriend and my boyfriend. Things went well other than I was on the verge of cutting our relationship off on our way to the movies. I am still thinking about it (but he has warmed up a little, at about the time I turned cold). I just don't think it's going to get any better. We've been together for 2 1/2 years and the same things that have bothered me in the beginning bother me now and there's additional annoyances on top of the initial ones. We'll see. Whatever I do, it's going to be hard either way. It's tense between us. It was like pulling teeth to get him to come to a movie tonight and then he had to be sullen about it. I am not one to sit around and do nothing ALL of the time. This is how it always is with him. I can never get him to go out and when he does he has a fit and makes it miserable. This is no way to keep on. There are other compatibility issues as well.

He is a really nice guy deep down though. Very good intentions and he generally means well. I trust him completely (which is a rarity for me). He just doesn't try anymore. There are no small things being done to make me feel special. No compromises. Bull-headed. It's turning out that we do not have enough in common like we once thought we did.

God. It kills me to write this stuff about him.

I feel trapped either way. Trapped with him and miserable without.

My dog loves him more than me now! He won't leave my boyfriend alone and is no longer sponging for attention off of me...

I had a few moments of obsession with him today. It was nice to think he was adorable and precious again.

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