Thursday, October 11, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 16

I am not sure how much longer I am going to take Zyban/Wellbutrin. I am fairly positive it is making me depressed. Maybe it’s just my job though? Once I got home from work and met up with a friend, I was happier than ever.

A recruiter I had worked with in the past contacted me today about an opportunity. I told him I would entertain it. We’ll see though. I don’t have any opinion or hopes about it in one way or another.

I think this medicine is making me anxious too. Today, I somehow convinced myself that I would be fired tomorrow. Hopefully my instincts are not correct. It would be pretty embarrassing to get fired. God, I am even cringing at the thought of it. However, it’s scary that that thought came to me. Where did it come from? My instincts in the past have always been right… This drug is making me sad and paranoid.

We’ll see…

My friend said I did not seem any different to her today. She encouraged me to stay on it for another week or so and give the gum or patches a try. She had actually taken Wellbutrin in the past (for depression though) and she liked it but thought it gave her too much energy.

She also stated that I needed to take a vacation. It’s funny how needing a vacation can be portrayed through one’s face and actions so easily. She read my mind. I have known that I’m due for a vacation for a while now. I must be even more past due than I thought if a friend is randomly pointing it out.

I think the Wellbutrin is making me need a vacation more than ever. Maybe I should just take a vacation from the Zyban? Haha. I just feel like I need to take a break from life for a second. Fall asleep for a few days and purge all of the stress inside of me out of me. Wake up cleansed and free of all of this debris bringing me down right now. Sit in a field for a weekend and stare at nothing in complete silence (well, except for crickets. I love crickets).

Maybe it’s time to try meditation…

OR, maybe I seriously need a vacation.

I am seriously considering discontinuing use if my mood remains this sullen.


cb1 said...

Do you know, I did send you a comment yesterday, and then I think I pressed preview and closed it quickly rather than publish! You see ... if I'm making mistakes like that home, just imagine what I must be doing/ forgetting at work?

Once again we are experiencing quite opposite effects of Zyban. I was seriously depressed about my job pre-Zyban, and now I actually couldn't care less. It's quite curious. (Or then again maybe it was just that I did have a two week break?)

My work is extremely stressful, but I seem to be taking it in my stride. Normally after a break I only have to be back a few days for the stress to re-set in.

I like it! (Zyban that is) But whether I will actually stop smoking with it I don't know. But cutting down by more than half is really significant for me.

Have a good day.

Chris, London, 7am

And so it goes... said...

I am glad this is working out for you Chris. I would take insomnia along with feeling great all the time over feeling like I've fallen into an abyss of sadness any day!

I wish I had your experience right now. Though, it started out that way. I felt really good and open a week ago. And even now, there are moments of light. Mostly, I'm a light that had burned out but with a few surges of power allowing it to flicker every once in a while.

I'm scared. I feel unnecessarily sad and have been reading more about Zyban and it seems that the sadness keeps getting worse and worse with time. Even if it's not likely to get worse, it's not a chance I want to take. However, if it were noticeably helping me quit, I'd be torn.

I am really happy for you though that you're enjoying it. Smoking half as much is an awesome step!

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