Wednesday, October 3, 2007

My Zyban Experience, Day 8

So, today was supposed to be my quit day. Didn’t happen. I woke up this morning and didn’t feel the urge to smoke, yet, something in my head told me to do so anyway. And I did and continued to do so throughout the day.

In general, I have been smoking less but it seems that I am struggling with completely walking away. With that said, I smoked my last cigarette about 2 hours ago. And by last, I don’t mean last cigarette in a pack (in fact, I have almost a whole pack waiting for me). I mean my LAST cigarette. That’s it. Done. El fin.

So I guess today is still my quit day, even though I smoked my last cigarette with only 2 hours left in the day.

The way I look at it is, I have a great opportunity to stop this. I am relaxed and already lacking an infinite desire to smoke. The Zyban has been working out well for me so far and I feel like continuing to smoke is wasting an opportunity to be done with it forever.

All in all, I think Zyban has helped me immensely in more ways than one at this point. It has opened my eyes to understanding that I have been generally depressed for a bit now. This pill has given me a lot more energy and motivation whereas prior to taking the pill, I would likely be watching some horrible VH1 reality show instead blogging about my day-to-day experiences right now. I guess it’s one of those “you can’t see the tree because the forest is in the way” things. It’s hard to see it when you’re in it, but looking at myself from a different mindset has given me some overall insight.

I’ve apparently felt dull for a while.

On another note, my sleepiness has subsided --at least for the time being. I am still not completely sold on the thought that I may complete my Zyban experience without any major discomfort or trauma. My fingers are crossed, but I am still weary of this, or any, drug. I have altered the chemical balance in my brain and I hope it doesn’t backfire.

Additionally, I think my appetite came back today. Well, maybe only partially. I only consumed the top of my muffin this morning until I forgot about it and eventually the rest had gone stale. Then, for lunch, I had a turkey BLT panini and devoured it. Afterward, I had a craving for my frozen coffee drink and had one of those as well. I did not request decaf and, luckily, I did not become itchy. And then, I guess for dinner I had a couple Thai dumplings… So maybe my appetite isn’t back? My lunchtime hunger happened right before my second dose. Maybe the pill was wearing off at that point and allowed me to have an appetite?

I think the hardest part for me quitting is realizing that I am actually NOT going to smoke anymore and believing it.

Allen Carr: I feel like I need to read it over again and that there’s much more that I can absorb from it.

My apologies for not posting yesterday. I had been in a situation where I was unable to concentrate of writing for the evening. As far as I know, there was not much to report. If I think of anything important that I missed, I will be sure to post.

Time for me to go to bed… I have a lot of NOT smoking to do tomorrow!

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