After a brief freakout, I think I am finally okay. I am not sure if this is to stay or not as I have had other ups before only to come back down...
After an insane post (which I removed), a regular reader commented that if I wasn't this crazy before Zyban, I should probably seek medical attention... It's hard to say if I was or not :) I know I was in a very frustrated, sad and also intoxicated state when I posted and have a legit reason to feel emotionally exhausted and depressed right now but it's tough to question whether or not my emotions are charged or accentuated by my recent use of Zyban.
Let's hope not. I would hate to be this way unnaturally and forever. I would also like to refrain from seeing a doctor for fear that I will be prescribed another mind-altering drug...
Oh, and smoking? Forget about it. I am smoking more than ever right now but am concentrating on other things right now. Smoking is going to have to be an obstacle to overcome at a later date. I want to feel strong again before I even think about adding the extra stress...
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3 comments:
Yeah, the whole thing is mad. I don't know though that I said "this crazy"!! But I'm now starting to question my own behaviour - being on the verge of handing my notice in at work this week with no job to go to ... feeling real despondent about not getting an interview as a result of 3 applications ... deciding that working in a supermarket would be better than this - or, wait for it, going to live abroad somewhere that cigarettes cost less than £2 a packet!
But the smoking - it will have to wait. In some ways it feels like all the sadness, hurt, depression etc. that was at a manageable level pre-Zyban, now post-Zyban has returned 10-fold.
Either that or maybe we are just as you say "crazy".
Take care.
Chris, London, 6.55am
Eek. I know what you mean. I hate that I have to question whether my feelings are REAL or accentuated by the pills I have taken.
Please do not quit you job without a firm offer. I've been in the recruiting industry long enough (though mostly on the upper tier attorney side which only involves 'wooing') and have also looked for a 'better fit' enough to know that it takes a while. It can happen on the first try for some and the 15th for others.
I am not sure about the UK and its job market, but I can at least attest for life in that it is not always easy and it is always better to persevere after the 1-19th failures or no-go's and then keep trying
Finding a new job is hard.
Being unemployed is even harder.
Emotionally and economicaly.
Well I spent most of the day in bed yesterday, feeling sorry for myself and well under-par.
Thanks for advice, which was pretty much what one of my best "you can always count on" friends said last week.
I am now actively planning my future, which definitely won't involve working in a supermarket.
Here's a Just for Today quote - to myself as much as you ...
"Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
Which I will read every day before I go to work! While making other plans.
Take care.
Chris, London, Sunday 11.30am
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